Michelangelo Jones

His account in 1102 of the Greenskin Invasion:

"Well, in my opinion it started ... Oi shut it ... as I was saying it started in the Steppe, that dry bit way east.  When all and sundry was doing in that litch fellow.  Now I have heard the rumours of spies and scouts before hand, but the first army fought was in the Steppe, mainly Orcs I heard.  About a month later when the bigwigs were having fun in Hanover, goblins land in Erin and it was heard that a bloody massive army of trolls and ogres had overrun Franconia, now I'll be the first to admit there ain't much there, kind of like Marco's life.  However, it does cut off trade routes through the region.

"They, the Greenskins, sent about a whole pile of diplomats to the various kings and generals inviting them to their lands that they'd conquered.  So off they went to list to the ogres and trolls spout on about honour and surrender.  While this were going on a huge fleet of goblin warships invade Caledonia capturing Glasgi, and Vilnius an eastern Teutonian city also fell.  The various envoys who went to se the Greenskins were chased off when they refused their demands ... wench, another round!

"Things then really hot up.  That orc army in the east, after capturing some Jhereg lands, attempted to capture all who were at the Renewal do, they got beat.  The goblin navy has a go at the rest of Caledonia and the east coast of Albion, bit cocky if you ask me, the locals bash them on the beaches.  Munich was attacked but not taken, Odessa remains the front in Teutonia.  Them nomad fellows successfully evacuate the remaining Franconians.  An army of trolls from Franconia does however capture the southern half of Estragales.  So there will be no more Estragalean plonk and olives for a while.

"And that, gentlemen, is the war so far.  Let us now raise a mug to our dear departed brother Guido whose money we now spend."